My son is irresponsible, he ran into debts, and deserted his wife and son… Why do I have a son like him?
There are many different kinds of people – they could be worse than those in debt, deserting wives and sons, or otherwise behaving irresponsibly. When someone has lost his conscience, he could be as evil as you could imagine. Would you accept this as an old debt that comes back to haunt you? If you don't, please ask yourself the question whether you, at some point in the past or at some stage, had done too much or been too good to him such as spoiling or over-indulging him so that he is blinded by conceitedness.
Sibling rivalry renders me kinless although physically they are there. What should I do to reduce my anger and hatred towards them?
"If you don't bear grudge against each other, you wouldn't come together". "If you are not a family, you will not go in through the same door". Bitterness and kinship are inseparable. Look for family affection out of bitterness. This is your responsibility. If you are not on good terms with each other, both of you have to bear the responsibility. If you want to heal the wound, you have to act first. Give them blessings with love every day. Say to yourself and to them: "I am very grateful to you all for having had a happy time with you; I forgive you for all you have done. I wish you all happiness." Then after a period of time, tell them heartily: "I love you very much." Each time after saying that, think nothing but get on with your life. After some time, you will find that your mindset has changed.
Do try it. The benefits of blessing can be amazing.
My sister-in-law is holding a birthday banquet. I don’t get along well with her. We both bear a grudge in heart against each other. I don’t want to buy her a present but I don’t feel right about that. What should I do?
There is a cause that you and she are in one family. This relationship will last for your whole life. You certainly feel uncomfortable when you have a thorn in your heart. Why not take this opportunity to make a friendly gesture. Call her to say happy birthday and ask what she wants for her birthday. Everyone feels happy when others show their care to them, especially those senior in the family. You should try your best to maintain harmony in your family.
Something has happened to my family. All of us have agreed to handle it positively. However, we all have negative emotions. It is easier said than done. What should we do?
A. If your family member is in difficulty, you have to give him/her time and space, and wait for the right time and conditions, and the turnaround. You can tell him/her your feelings through emails, SMS or letters if you find it difficult to say so face to face. Besides, you need to change your magnetic field. Visualize the happy times you had spent together before that thing happened. Bring up the happiness and harmony and keep them in your heart, and say to yourself that the problem has been solved. Imagine whatever result you want with the power of your mind and heart. The powerful mindfulness itself will naturally transform your negative feelings. Do not always attach yourself to sufferings, sadness, bitterness and helplessness, otherwise the outcome will be exactly what you think.
How can I let go of the sorrow and pain from the loss of a loved one in the family?
A. You have to let go. Because right now you still have other responsibilities to shoulder, you still have others you need to care for. Missing him is inevitable but don’t attach to it. If you refuse to let go and refuse to let your sentiment to the deceased come to a peaceful end, he won’t be able to go to a good place without hindrance. When the life of your dearest love is already gone, you have to positively face the reality and send him to the best place. Only in this way you would be able to show your greatest love and filial piety for him.
How should I cope with the situation where a loved one in the family has had a stroke or has become vegetative?
First of all, spend more time caring for and looking after him. You and other family members should take turns to see him, sing praises in his ears, and sincerely thank him for his love and care given in the past. Praise him for the things he did well so as to let him know his life is worth. Although he is in coma, he can still receive the loving words from his family. Secondly, most of the stroke patients have something in their heart that they cannot let go. Try your best to help him finish such things or sort out other unresolved matters, so that he could be freed from worries or burdens.
My father has had several suicide attempts. How can I help him get rid of suicidal thoughts?
Please spend a few minutes each day to visualize your father living a happy and healthy life. You have to visualize it to the extent that your heart is truly filled with faith and hope as if your father is in fact living a happy life. "All things are created by the mind alone". You don't have to reason with your father. Just re-arrange a new energy field for him with your mind power. Just spend a few minutes every day and you will get unexpected and wonderful results.
I had not been going along well with my family members. I have tried to change my attitude and have expressed my love to them. But I still cannot move and change them into letting go of their grip on many things.
Move and change yourself first. Let go of your grip to the hope that your family can take things easily. ‘Allow more latitude for a final catch.’ ‘More haste, less speed.’ Change your goal. You care about them not for changing them, but for loving them. Keep on showing your love.
My daughter is 20 years old. She met her boyfriend two years ago, then she moved out to live with this boy. She blamed me for manipulating her all her life. And that she was 18 then and I should give her life back to her. She moved back home 5 months later because this boy abused her. I wanted to know what happened but she refused to talk. All she knew was to ask for money. When I said no, she cursed me and called me names. What should I do?
When people come, settle your heart. When people go, settle your heart. When your daughter needs you, you should protect her as it is a mother’s responsibility. Do not ask her any more. There is no need to because even she herself is unable to face and get hold of her present and future. Just let her experience it. The most important thing is that you do not give up on yourself.
My husband has his mind hooked on gambling and completely ignores us. What can I do?
You should hook your mind on your family and take good care of it. Don’t bother about the gambling habit of your husband. It is extremely difficult for a habitual gambler to turn around, so you should be kind and patient---to yourself.
Why would healthy and kind-hearted parents give birth to deformed children?
It takes a lot of conditions, besides being kind-hearted, to be able to have both physically and mentally sound children. You may take that exactly because they are kind-hearted parents, they are capable enough to complete a noble mission, which is, to raise children who need huge love.
How should I communicate with my children when they start dating?
Firstly, never stop, criticize or object to them. You should give them love and care and share their sweetness. When they believe that they can empty their heart with you they would tell you how they feel when they are in love. You should let them know that you are supportive so that you can assist and accompany them through their most memorable first love.
My elder sister has a firm character who likes to use lame excuses to win her arguments. On various occasions, she took it out on me because of conflicts of interests and improper remarks. She even made very clear to me she would keep me and other family members at bay. I did try to resolve her hatred to us with compassion but unluckily it did not help. Dear master, how should I get along with my sister?
Your sister is a self-centred and impetuous person who attaches to her
thoughts and feelings. She easily vents her anger on others when
things don't go her way. Don't say or do anymore for the time being.
Don't talk back or show your care. Wait patiently until some festive
occasions like Lunar New Year and Moon Festival or her birthday where
you can send her your blessings by a SMS text. Just keep in minimum
touch with her. Consider your position and next step only when the
next opportunity arises.
Let go of your hatred and resentment. Most important of all, don't
blame her. Bless her every day with your genuine heart. Things will
improve sooner or later. Please be tolerant. I wish you all the
My parents always quarrel, what could be done? When will the “Healthy Planet Dwellers – Mind Purification” program be on air again? My mother listened to every episode of this program; and she would feel better and be more broad-minded after listening to it.
It is frustrating indeed when parents always quarrel, but do not give any comments. When you have energy and spirit, tidy up the home, clear away the odds and ends and make it a comfortable living place for all. If conditions allow, try to move to a new location in order to change the environment and divert attention; it might help.
The “Mind Purification” program has temporarily discontinued; the resumption of the program will depend on future opportunities. If you’re interested, you can listen to the online program “The Sutra That Each Family Always Chants” at Channel-B.
Master, do you believe parents will do harm to their own children? I have been under my mother’s control for over forty years and I have been mentally tormented indeed. In her eyes, I am the sinner who had ruined her whole life. For the past year, I have been constantly pondering over and reflecting on this issue. I then realize that the only way out for both of us to start a new life is for me to be distant from her. How can I make myself feel relieved?
I certainly believe some parents would hurt their children. You will know what it is about if you have a better understanding of cause and conditions, and karmic fruits.
Though your mother has mentally tormented you for over 40 years, you are still with her; you are very filial indeed. If you really cannot cope with it anymore, you can choose a living style that is beneficial to you. To be ‘filial’ might not be just by living together. Being filial can also mean that you are being out of her sight and her resentment not being triggered. Sometimes, not being together will help to ease out the difficult relationship.
If you are a Buddhist, take some time to prostrate to the Buddha or make repentance everyday; and repent over the past bonds of hatred with your mother. If you are not a Buddhist, send your blessings to your mother every day, hoping that she will live more happily in the future. You feel aggrieved, don't you? Explicitly when you are the one being tortured, but you are asked to make repentance and even send her your blessings. Do read more books on cause and conditions, and karmic fruits, and you will understand it is the most thorough way to solve the resentment and untie the knots.
You have been doing very well already. ‘Repayment of debts’ has to be done with wisdom. Your mother has given you so much sufferings in these forty years, therefore, for the rest of your days, try to offer your care and love to mothers of other people, you will have a happier life.