My two daughters have just commenced their studies at Secondary School. I discovered that my husband was having an affair, should I divorce him?
Teenage girls are adolescent and non-conformist. This is an important
stage of their life. Your husband's irresponsible conduct certainly would hurt your family. But does he often stay at home? Does he care about family life? What is his attitude? If, after all, he is still a decent father, in the interest of your daughters, you
can consider doing your best to keep the family intact while your daughters are still in their adolescence and re-assess the situation after they have grown up.
I am a 55 years old woman. My husband has passed away. Now I fall for a man but he does not love me. I am bound to see him once a week. It is agonizing. What should I do?
Love is a two way affair. You should not hold on to a man you fall for if he does not love you. As he does not love you, you should have let go. To love a man who does not love you would bring only troubles. Give your love to a wider group of people, and love those who need your love. The greatest charm and attractiveness of a female is her loving heart. You try to pick your love from among the crowds a thousand times but can’t find him. When you turn your head all of a sudden, you may just find “him” in a dimly lit corner.
Since I met this man 8 years ago on the internet, we have had an intimate relationship. Over the past 8 years, he had been asking for financial support with all sorts of reasons. I had my suspicions. But I did not want to lose him so I talked myself into believing him. Four months ago, I broke up with him. However, the feeling of being cheated is still haunting me. I repented to the Buddha and Bodhisattvas in the hope that I can let go of this feeling as soon as possible.
Everything in life comes at a price. You should learn from this. Losing money is a minor thing. Maintaining the correct mindfulness is much more important. If a karmic relationship ended this way, you should let it go. You can’t let go of it because you still focus your attention on that person. You should really go out and offer your help to others.
Seeing from another angle, you did not lose money or a relationship. On the contrary, you have gained in both ways. From this matter, you should be wiser and more clear-headed now. The understanding of human nature and of karma cannot be exchanged for money. You should be grateful to the experience that you gained in these 8 years. But you should not make the same mistake again. As you have repented to the Bodhisattvas, you should pull yourself together and live a good life.
I am divorced. My son has grown up. Now as I am learning the Buddha’s teachings, I have realized I should have shared some responsibilities in the breakdown of my marriage. I vowed to a bodhisattva that I would be good to my husband if he came back. I asked him back. At first, there was a honeymoon period. Lately I found that his heart is not with us. He even puts on an arrogant manner. I have the impression that my son wants him back. So I pay the outstanding maintenance for him on my own initiative. My son has only me. Should I keep on treating my husband well?
Your wish has come true, hasn’t it? You have expectation on him but he is unwilling to give more. Do not have any expectations. To give in unreasonably only brings more sufferings to everyone. Take good care of yourself and your son. That is your greatest responsibility.
I am married for less than a year and I found intimate SMS messages between my husband and another lady in my husband’s phone. I was very surprised and shocked. I cooled down for an hour before I confronted him. He pacified me by saying that they had not started yet and he would stop contacting her. He told me to believe him and stop having ill thinking about the matter. Before our marriage, he had done something like this. Even now I feel very anxious and uneasy. How should I adjust my mind? Master, please teach me what to do.
It is a hard blow to any wife to find out her husband has an affair. You are a very calm person since you cooled down for an hour before you confronted him and you seek help to adjust your unsettled mind. We should have confidence in others, yet we should also know how to protect ourselves. Different types of persons have different character traits. If your husband did something similar in the past, you must consider your own well-being. First of all, you must not get pregnant now so as to save any possible harm to your child in the future. More importantly, you have to get psychologically prepared. Are you a Buddhist? If you are, you should know how causes and conditions arise. No doubt you would feel sad, but you should learn to face it. Ask yourself this: If he really leaves me some day, how would I live my life? You want to bear hatred for the rest of your life or you want to hold your head high to start afresh?
There are three things that you may try to do:
1. Try to learn various kinds of means to earn a living so that you can support yourself in future.
2. Bless him, dedicate the merits, feel grateful to him and treasure him every day for making this family together with you. Treasure this feeling and let the happiness you have with him relive in you mind.
3. Since he told you to believe him, you should not doubt him and you should give him 100% support and try to save your marriage wholeheartedly.
You should remember that what you are doing now is not for him, instead you are doing it for yourself, just for yourself. In future, if things end up not satisfactorily, don’t blame others. If you fail to work harder to make yourself happier, how can you expect others to make you happy?
There must be causes and conditions for things in life to come and go. If you study the Buddhist Dharma more, you will certainly have a clearer understanding of the directions you can take in your life..
Two years ago, I met a male colleague in my job and we were as close as magnets. He was divorced and had bad temper. We ended up not being able to be together. Now there is an eligible man whom I can develop a long term relationship with. However, I can see me before learning Buddhist dharma in him. I am sad and do not have the confidence to start the relationship with him. What shall I do?
As there is no way out, you should put it aside and not to decide for now. Let your feelings settle down and later on you will have wisdom and courage to decide. True love can withstand and survive all challenges. Handle it with positive thinking and care.